Sadness of a Spring Long Gone
by Dana Kathrine Scully
Summary: Flint died almost a year ago. Tas never got to say goddbye, and has tucked away every feeling he felt that tragic day in Godshome. Until now. The tears and sorrow eating away at him has caused pain so excruciating that he has to spill. To who? Caramon.


"Tas, you've gone and done it again

"Tas, you've gone and done it again." Tanis sighed in exasperation. "Give me back my dagger."

Tasslehoff looked around, searching for anyone else by the name 'Tasslehoff' whom Tanis could be talking to. Although the chances of another kender with Tas's name standing right behind the original Tas were extremely slim…he could always hope.

"M-me?" he asked. Tanis looked around.

"I don't see anyone else here by your name," he huffed. "Just give it back, and I'll leave you alone."

_Just give him his dagger, you doorknob!_ The voice Tas knew as Flint's echoed in his mind.

Tas opened a pouch and fished out a sheathed dagger. "You know," he began, "You should really take better care of your things. You seem to drop your stuff a lot. You would have lost it all by now if it weren't for me."

"Yeah, okay." Tanis muttered under his breath. He took the dagger and stuck it in his belt, then went back to standing watch.

Tas lay down on his bedroll, staring up into the stars. He admired the beauty of the constellations, the moons, and the distant planets. Upon seeing the Dark Queen, he shivered. The time he spent in the Abyss still haunted him.

He then looked at the silver moon, Solinari. He imagined Uncle Trapspringer and his wives up on its surface; what a commotion there had to have been up there, with Trapspringer showing up with a second wife, and all.

Next he looked up at the red moon, Lunitari. He pictured Flint up there, sitting beneath a tree with a chisel and a chunk of wood, grumbling as usual. Tasslehoff felt a snuffle coming on and dared not breathe until he could choke it back down.

The day that Flint had died was a horrible day for him. Tas missed the old dwarf, and would have liked nothing better than to tell him the story of his unexpected trip to the Abyss, among others, but then again…he wasn't dead quite yet.

Tasslehoff was still awake when Caramon relieved Tanis at midnight. He was still thinking about Flint and all the wonderful adventures and narrow scrapes he and the dwarf had endured. Once again, Tas felt a snuffle, and tried desperately to swallow it. Try as he might, a whimper or two escaped.

Tas thanked the gods that no one seemed to hear him(for once. People never really seemed to hear him otherwise). But he was wrong. Caramon had heard him. Upon seeing the warrior cast a glance over his shoulder in the kender's direction, Tas tried as best as a kender could to hold still and act like he was asleep.

Tas opened one eye to see if Caramon was still glancing about. He was, and Tas snapped his eyelid shut, hoping Caramon hadn't seen that he was awake. But he had, and walked as quietly as his armor would allow over to the kender's bedroll. Tas felt a huge hand on his shoulder. He desperately continued to try to act like he was asleep.

"Tas," Caramon whispered gently. "Are you okay?"

Tasslehoff heard a tone in the big man's voice that made him want to spill everything he had kept to himself concerning Flint's death.

When Tas continued to hold so deathly still, Caramon chuckled a little. "I know you're awake, Tas. What's going on?"

Tas was defeated. He rolled over onto his back to look at Caramon. A solitary tear had slid from his eye, leaving a shimmering trail down the kender's cheek. He couldn't bottle anything up anymore. But Tas fought to keep his composure.

Tas walked with Caramon to the area where Caramon was to stay while on guard. Tas climbed up onto a rock that almost put him eye-level with the warrior. It actually felt quite good being at the same height as the tallest in the group.

"So, you want to tell me what's going on?" Caramon asked, glancing at Tas out of the corner of his eye.

Tas hung his head. "Do I have to?" he asked.

"Not if you really don't want to."

Tas contemplated whether or not he would be able to control the sobs while telling his story. Finally deciding that dignity wasn't an issue now, he sighed…and began.

"I was thinking about Flint," Tas began, already feeling a lump rise in his throat. "I was looking up at the red moon, thinking about him, sitting under a tree, whittling away, grumbling." He sniffled at the memory. "Then I thought about the day he died, that day in Godshome."

Tas seemed to go back and relive Flint's death as he spoke.

"The moment I saw Berem and Flint on the other side of Godshome, I felt a peculiar mixture of fear, dread, and anger surge through my veins. It was an odd feeling; I would love to feel it again, but not right now. I knew, somewhere in my heart, that Berem had done something to Flint, because he was lowering him to the ground. Flint looked unconscious.

"I was about to go and teach Berem a lesson myself, but Tanis beat me to it. He ran over to where he stood over Flint, and yelled something at him, forcing Berem to take a few steps backwards, until his back bumped up against a rock. Tanis kept yelling at him, but Berem said nothing in reply, and that's when he stabbed him.

"While you guys stood in tears next to Tanis, I ran over to Flint. I situated his head in my lap, wishing that sheer hope could keep him alive. If things worked that way, Flint would have lived forever."

Tas sobbed for a few moments here, then eventually found the strength to stop and go on.

"I thought for sure he was dead, but when I gave a shuddering sob his head lolled over, and he opened his eyes. I remember how glazed over they were, but suddenly there was so much life in them that I thought hope actually worked.

But it hadn't, because although he smiled, he looked tired.

"'Hey, none o' that, you doorknob. You're gonna make me cry,' he gently scolded. But I couldn't help myself. I let my head fall forward, the lengths of my topknot falling over my shoulders. I felt so bad, I felt as it I didn't have one," Tasslehoff sat, twisting the end of his topknot around his finger.

"After a few seconds, I lifted my head. I looked back at Flint, and he drew in a shallow breath. The way he whispered now reminded me of Raistlin, 'in a way that made my skin shiver', as Flint would say." Tas fished around in one of his pouches for a handkerchief.

"I knew fear for another as I had never known before," the kender continued seriously. Caramon had never known Tasslehoof to be like this. Ever. "Flint, what if I never see you again? You'll be in heaven…but I'll be in hell!"

Flint sighed. "'You will see me again, lad. Paladine guarantees a heaven beneath Lunitari. Someday we'll both be there, you, an old kender, and me hopefully the way I am now. I'm already imagining the stories you'll be telling me." Flint gave a chuckle that rattled in his chest. "And maybe you'll have one I haven't heard a thousand times.'"

"I imagined it for a split second. Me, so many years later, relaying story after story to Flint. Perhaps, even, he wouldn't get that indifferent look on his face and fall asleep." Tas smiled a smile, but a pained smile. It was more of a wince.

"'I won't miss a thing Flint,' I promised. 'I'll remember everything so vividly you'll feel like you're back in Krynn. The stories you'll hear-' I couldn't go on."

"Then, another big teardrop fell. The tought of Flint dying was too much."

Tas paused a moment, his shoulders heaving. Somehow he muffled his sobs. Caramon would have done anything to know how the kender pulled that off.

"Then Tanis was kneeling beside me, taking Flint's hand. Flint began talking to him, but I didn't hear. I was too immersed in the thought of Flint dying and leaving me alone.

"Before I knew it, there was Tika, taking Flint's other hand. Then you came and Flint said something about drowning him. Then you walked away with Tika, and Flint's eyes closed and I laid my head on his shoulder. He had told me to have his helm, the one with the alleged griffon's mane. Then Fizban appeared, and Flint asked him if he would go with him for the first part of some journey. I guess he meant the afterlife. But Fizban said he'd go, and told Flint to sleep, that the troubles of the world were his no longer, that he'd earned the right. Then Flint said that sleep is what he needed, than he—died."

Tas broke down. Caramon felt for the kender, and pulled Tas into an embrace. Tas hugged him tightly, crying into Caramon's chainmail vest. Bitter tears stung his eyes.

Caramon felt himself beginning to sob right along with Tas. He missed Flint as well, but now the pain bit so deeply into his heart that he realized just how much he missed Flint.

Caramon felt horrible for Tas now, for the kender's breathing had become regular and even. Looking down, he saw Tasslehoff, his eyes closed, his face dirty with tearstains. He had literally cried himself to sleep. Caramon gently picked Tas up, being careful not to wake him, and set him down on his bedroll. Tas stirred when Caramon set him down, but an overwhelming peace was evident on the kender's face.

_It did him a lot of good to get all that out, _Caramon thought. Now, back to his post, his thoughts began to wash over him like the lapping waves of Crystalmir Lake. He found that while they were of Raistlin, Tika, Tanis, Sturm, and everyone else, he saw that mostly, they centered on Flint.


End file.
